My eleven year old beautiful , healthy, active, tri colored Border collie died unexpectedly in surgery. My heart is broken. I don't mean I'm sad; myheart is broken. There are no local support groups. Do you have any publications or even words of support? I am a handicapped single Mom, but both of my boys (in their 20's) are grown and gone. Nicky was my greatest companion. Please help me any way you can
hi dianahd, I am very sorry to hear about your loss and I understand how devastating this time can be.
A POEM FOR THE GRIEVING...
Do not stand at my grave and weep. I am not there, I do not sleep. I am a thousand winds that blow, I am the diamond glints on snow. I am the sunlight on ripened grain, I am the gentle autumn's rain. When you awaken in the morning's hush, I am the swift uplifting rush of quiet birds in circled flight. I am the stars that shine at night. Do not stand at my grave and cry, I am not there, I did not die...
-Anonymous
Everyones grief is different but I have attached some general information on pet loss from [url=http://www.pet-loss.net/index.shtml]Ten Tips on Coping with Pet Loss[/url]. I hope this helps a little.
Am I crazy to hurt so much?
Intense grief over the loss of a pet is normal and natural. Don't let anyone tell you that it's silly, crazy, or overly sentimental to grieve!
During the years you spent with your pet (even if they were few), it became a significant and constant part of your life. It was a source of comfort and companionship, of unconditional love and acceptance, of fun and joy. So don't be surprised if you feel devastated by the loss of such a relationship.
People who don't understand the pet/owner bond may not understand your pain. All that matters, however, is how you feel. Don't let others dictate your feelings: They are valid, and may be extremely painful. But remember, you are not alone: Thousands of pet owners have gone through the same feelings.
2. What Can I Expect to Feel?
Different people experience grief in different ways. Besides your sorrow and loss, you may also experience the following emotions: Guilt may occur if you feel responsible for your pet's death-the "if only I had been more careful" syndrome. It is pointless and often erroneous to burden yourself with guilt for the accident or illness that claimed your pet's life, and only makes it more difficult to resolve your grief. Denial makes it difficult to accept that your pet is really gone. It's hard to imagine that your pet won't greet you when you come home, or that it doesn't need its evening meal. Some pet owners carry this to extremes, and fear their pet is still alive and suffering somewhere. Others find it hard to get a new pet for fear of being "disloyal" to the old. Anger may be directed at the illness that killed your pet, the driver of the speeding car, the veterinarian who "failed" to save its life. Sometimes it is justified, but when carried to extremes, it distracts you from the important task of resolving your grief. Depression is a natural consequence of grief, but can leave you powerless to cope with your feelings. Extreme depression robs you of motivation and energy, causing you to dwell upon your sorrow. 3. What can I do about my feelings?
The most important step you can take is to be honest about your feelings. Don't deny your pain, or your feelings of anger and guilt. Only by examining and coming to terms with your feelings can you begin to work through them.
You have a right to feel pain and grief! Someone you loved has died, and you feel alone and bereaved. You have a right to feel anger and guilt, as well. Acknowledge your feelings first, then ask yourself whether the circumstances actually justify them.
Locking away grief doesn't make it go away. Express it. Cry, scream, pound the floor, talk it out. Do what helps you the most. Don't try to avoid grief by not thinking about your pet; instead, reminisce about the good times. This will help you understand what your pet's loss actually means to you.
Some find it helpful to express their feelings and memories in poems, stories, or letters to the pet. Other strategies including rearranging your schedule to fill in the times you would have spent with your pet; preparing a memorial such as a photo collage; and talking to others about your loss.
4. Who can I talk to?
If your family or friends love pets, they'll understand what you're going through. Don't hide your feelings in a misguided effort to appear strong and calm! Working through your feelings with another person is one of the best ways to put them in perspective and find ways to handle them. Find someone you can talk to about how much the pet meant to you and how much you miss it-someone you feel comfortable crying and grieving with.
If you don't have family or friends who understand, or if you need more help, ask your veterinarian or humane association to recommend a pet loss counselor or support group. Check with your church or hospital for grief counseling. Remember, your grief is genuine and deserving of support.
On behalf of everyone at kingdom of pets I wish you have very best in this hard time.
Trite as it sounds, time is the great healer. I think it helps if you talk with others who knew Nicky. You could reminisce about the good times. What a great dog he was. But choose people who can handle it if you suddenly start to cry. Men, unfortunately, are rarely good for this because their instinct is to stop you from crying -- and crying helps!
My PERSONAL experience has been that getting another dog helps. No, it will never fill the void that Nicky leaves, but it seems to soften the edges and let you remember the happiness of his being. It also makes sure you don't have as much time to miss Nicky!
When you can, write and tell us some of the things you remember about Nicky. The tears may roll down your face, but I bet you find a few smiles inside you also.
I am so sorry for your loss. I know exactly how you feel. I had to put my dog to sleep 5 yrs ago and another dog of mine died by himself 2 yrs ago.
I believe there is a place called Rainbow Bridge and all of our beloved animals are happy and healthy overthere. You will get to see your beloved one when you leave this world. Wouldn't that be fun to see Nicky again? Till then, you can talk to your friends how wonderful dog she was, how you were and still are proud of her, and maybe you can write a journal about the happy years you shared with her. And, when time comes, there will always be lots and lots of dogs that need your love, care and help. Nicky won't be jealous because she resides in the best part of your heart and she will be happy to see you smile again. Time is the best cure, but another animal can always help the time going faster.
Here is a poem "Rainbow Bridge" that I want to share with you...
*
Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.
When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge. There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together. There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.
All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor; those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by. The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.
They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent; His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.
You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.
Dear Diana, I feel for you. Jani died 18 months ago, painfully. Boys had twisted his leg when he shook hands with them, and it later turned to gangrene. The 2 vets I consulted couldn't do anything, and denied the problem. I got a nurse to look at him and she confirmed my fear that it was gangrene. Both vets promised to come and put him down - and didn't come. I had to try to do it myself. Then I discovered why the vets wouldn't come. They didn't know what drug to use. He went to sleep and woke up again. Eventually we took him to a veterinary pharmacist, who gave him an injection that did kill him, but not without some distress. I hope it helped him that I was with him till the end. For months afterwards I lay awake at night, seeing Jani's last moments. The worst thing was the silence on the balcony where Jani used to rush around barking at his enemies, real or imagined. I live in Albania, where animals don't live long. Jani was 6, the oldest animal I've had. He had a good life till the last 2 months. I look on my animals as on loan from God, and pray that the loan will be a long one. Neighbours gave me their 2 beautiful puppies, who were born soon after Jani's death. Someone said they were Jani's replacement. I said Jani can't be replaced. They are his successors. They are also the most challenging dogs I've ever had. Many's the time I think nostalgically about Jani, who was not brilliantly obedient, but was angelic in comparison with Andi and Petri. I love them dearly and they love me, but they frequently have me tearing my hair out! Diana, you need a companion, maybe a dog, maybe not. Nicky was unique, and irreplaceable. I found the emptiness after Jani's death was the worst thing. It sounds as if loneliness is the worst thing for you. Don't try to find a replacement for Nicky, because you can't. But when you are ready, you can find a successor.
I also lost a dog in unexpected circumstances this summer. No matter how a beloved pet dies it's always traumatic. I've had 4 dogs cross the rainbow bridge in my lifetime and it never gets easier. Only time will ease your pain. Something that helps me is to adopt a new dog. This week I brought a yellow lab/golden retriever mix pup into our household. He has brought my family immense joy and helped us in our attempt to move forward past the death of my buddy Archie. Maybe focusing on rescuing a dog in need will help you too. Just know that what you're feeling now is okay and it will get better with time.
I agree with crazycrayonmom. There is nothing like another dog to help you move past the grief to the wonderful memories. Nine days after I had to let Zoey go, I adopted Sunna. She isn't Zoey (but neither is Zoey Thor or Halla or Loki or Freya), she is Sunna. Instead of thinking of Zoey dying in my arms, I think of the good things about her -- how she loved every human she met and was loved by them; how she enjoyed using her dog door. I understand that some people cannot do this, they need that space to grieve. If you have to take time off from having another best friend, that's OK too. But adopting a new best friend is NOT betraying the old one. It is honoring the one that just died.
You say you are handicapped. Does that limit how well you can care for your dog? Maybe there is a group that will train a dog for you. Do let us know how things go. We all understand that horror of a beautiful, healthy dog suddenly not being there any more.
Diana, I have had to put 5 dogs down in my life time and it was not and easy thing to do.They all died in my arms,my last two died 4 years ago, It was really hard for me to get the last moments of their life out of my head, and think, was there more that I could have done even when I was told no, so I know what you are going through and I am so sorry for you loss.I have found that the best thing to do is to go out and get another one .It will not take the place of Nicky, but it will help to fill some of the emptyness.My last two died a month apart from each other,it was the worst thing I have ever experienced,I swore I would never get another dog again.After a week of not having any dogs I could not take it so I went and got a German Shepard,one year later I got a Labrodoodle and now I just got a Baby Great Dane.I have come to realize that I can not have only one dog,I need at least three,they are like my children.My kids think Iam nuts for having all these animals,I suffer from fibromyalgia and there days that I can not take care of myself but I know I have to forget my pain and take care of my babies because they need me as much as I need them. Good Luck.Ther is light at the end of the tunnel,time heals all.
sorry to hear of your loss i know how you feel i lost my poodle name buddy he wasnt a dog he was my best friend we went every where together in april he was 11 years old on the 16th he also got a tick no signs it was to late by the time i took him to the vet he died two days later i was so upset the vet where i have been taking him for 11 years had no compasion which made it worse i miss him every day my husband said we should get another one but differant colour not white so i got a black one his name is pluto every now and then i think of buddy but only good times i think it was good to get another dog he will be good to hope this helps veronica
